hm so this is the new “xanga” i suppose. i’m not much of a blogger so this is kinda odd for me to do but i guess when there’s no one to really talk to i guess i’ll just write in here. i told a friend that id get a journal to write down dreams i have or things im feeling, but since im lazy and cheap i decided to get a tumblr since its free.
how im feeling: lonely
this is what im usually gonna be writing about most of the time im on here. the only reason im writing about it today is because its really bothering me more than it does any other day. everyday i feel lonely but sometimes im distracted enough to not pay attention to it or sometimes i simply don’t care anymore.
then there are just certain things i see or hear that make these feelings rush and make me realize like “…wow, i have no one in my life” i know i have people in my life like friends and family and all but the love for them is different from the love you have with a significant other. i miss being missed, loved, cared about and likewise i miss doing those things. i’ve grown insensitive to everything. i simply don’t care about many things or people anymore.
ever since joanne left i’ve been this way. i’m better than i was intially but that hurt has like tattoed itself onto me and made me a bitter person. my optimistic attitude is gone and been replaced with a realist. i use my mind over my heart. i think what makes me the lonliest is that no one truly interests me. i’ve never been so disgusted with girls lately.
1. i hate superficial girls
2. i hate girls who party too much
3. i hate how i noticed how like unfriendly girls are, like if you’re not cute they won’t give you a time of day.
4. i hate how you have to like be clubber or some obnoxious guy for someone to catch your eye
5. i don’t like it when girls are sprung on a guy thats no good for them
maybe i AM being a little too critical but so far no one has really stuck out a hand to really get to know me even if im the one to introduce myself. they’re just missing out on a lot. no one really motivates to be better. there are some people who make me crack a smile or try to better myself, but for the most no one has driven me to be the best cause even if i played my cards right it would be futile to be romantic and show or tell how much i care about them and what not.
i think this is why i hate talking to people about this cause it really is just me complaining but fuck it i had to get it out. i just fucking hate how everything is right now and im saying that casually.
the only thing that really keeps me sane is dancing. im not good at it at all but everytime i dance i just feel good for some reason. its not even to impress anybody but its a plus if it does.
ugh i dont know where i’m going with all this bitching maybe when my head is clear ill make a new post thats more thought out. this is just me freewriting what comes to my head.